I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
