With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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