Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Randomize
