i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
What a dumb baby whore.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
