She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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