It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
