dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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