Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.�
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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