do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
