apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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