Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
