I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
COCAINE IS GR8
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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