Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
