How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
