the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
