I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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