I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
