Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. �Hello 29...
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
