I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
