the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
