I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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