she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
