A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I wear drunk well.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
