Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
We have so much sex to catch up on
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
