ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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