That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
