She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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