Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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