my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
