Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
