if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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