It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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