Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.�
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
