don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Randomize
