So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
