Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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