Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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