Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
