I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
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