She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
