Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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