Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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