We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
