Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
