Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
