I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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