she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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