I hate all girls vehemently.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
