I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I just got carded by a ten year old.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
