I think I died a long time ago.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
